Sunday, April 4, 2010

My Household Census Form

Well, based on my last post, I sort of promised that I would put a copy of my census form online. So here it is. I have made an effort to transcribe my comments as best as possible in case you can't read the images. My comments are in italics, the normal text is the question it is in response to.
Page 1. Use blue or black pen. Okay that is black. Whatever happened to the #2 pencil?
Count all people, including babies, who live and sleep here most of the time. What about those who split their time 50/50?
Question 1 Number of people: VI This is in Roman numerals.
Question 2 This is stupid that you are asking since you just spent half of the column explaining who and who not to count.
Question 3 House with mortgage checked. But with the right lottery ticket it will be
Occupied without payment of rent Do people actually answer this?
Question 4 This is my work pager and I haven't replaced the battery in about two years but I probably don't want to talk to whoever calls anyway.
Question 5 Initials should be good enough.
Question 6 Although I do have one X chromosome so if you need to check both, feel free.
Question 7 Age: >30 Birthdate: This is according to the Hebrew Calendar.
Note: Please answer BOTH Question 8 about Hispanic origin and Question 9 about race. For this census, Hispanic origins are not races. That's ok, most of what is under "Race" isn't race either.
Question 9: See also Person #2, American Indian tribe: Don't know, but a G-G-G-G-G Grandmother was Native American. Japanese: Does this include Ainu? Other Asian: Turk, Indian (India kind) Some other race: I'm sure I missed something.
Question 10 Does Person 1 sometimes live or stay somewhere else? Duh!! College: Long time ago, Military: They wouldn't take me, Second Residence: I'd like too, Jail: I hope not, Nursing home: Eventually.

Person 2 Name: Again initials are fine, if not, contact the IRS, they have more info.
Question 2 How is this person related to Person 1? Mark ONE box. What happens if more than one is applicable?
Question 3: We do live in Iowa though!
Question 4: 29ish This date is the Islamic calendar.
Question 6 After coming out of Africa 2 million years ago, my ancestors have been all over the world.
Why are we stuck on Race? There is more space allocated to identify race than all other questions combined?
Question 7 Duh!!

Person 3
Question 4 Persian Calendar
Question 5 and 6 Everything that is in Person #1 and Person #2.
Question 7 Duh!!

Person 4
Question 4 Mayan long count
5, 6, 7 are the same as Person #3

Person 5
Question 4 Indian Civil Calendar
5, 6, 7 are the same as Person #3 and Person #4

Person #6
Question 1 Whoops I messed up.
Question 4 Julian Calendar *
5, 6, 7 are the same as Person #3, Person #4 and Person #5
* It took me a while to realize this but asking age and date of birth is redundant. You only need the date.

You guys really need to get on the internet and allow us to fill out these forms online. The IRS has figured it out and that involves actual money (not the fake "we won't be able to build hospitals without the census" crap that I hear on the commercials). Hopefully, by 2020 you will have this all figured out.

If more people live here, turn the page and continue: I sure hope there aren't anymore living here right now, I can barely keep up with the number. Good thing our family reunion wasn't on April 1st or I might have 10-12 forms to fill out.

To whoever opens this, I hope you get a good laugh. All answers are absolutely truthful. If the information is not in the format you want then include more precise instructions next time. If you want to give up now, just send someone to our house, we can always use a good babysitter. To reiterate the # of people at our home is 六 (Chinese) or ٦ (Arabic) or ς' (Greek) or षष् (Sanskrit).

...take about 10 minutes... I spent 20 minutes but I was always good at creative writing.

Well, that was fun. Good thing it only comes along once every 10 years. Besides, as we have seen on the commercials, the country is going to come to a screeching halt without the census because capitalism doesn't work (you know, that supply and demand thing we keep trying to pretend doesn't exist). Yes, I did actually mail this form in. No, I didn't tape the postage paid envelope to a tire or anything.

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